Friday, February 1, 2013

Falling Out of Love

When I start a new project, I usually don't notice I start it. Of course I notice when I cast on and start knitting the first few rows but the beginning of a project is before picking up the needles. There's planning and gathering of yarn and sketches and plans. If I am going to start a project I usually think about it for a few hours at least. I try to get a mental picture of it before I try to make the yarn do that thing. If I'm ambitious I'll even knit a swatch and see how it will look. If it's a pattern that I'm winging, I'll try to write up some rudimentary directions. Gathering the yarn is always my favorite. Just something about picking yarn and matching it with others and seeing what looks good next to what just makes me happy. And I usually don't notice I'm doing it. I don't notice that I'm constantly thinking about how something would turn out if I only used this yarn or what it would look like if I did these decreases. When I cast on is usually when I realize, fully, what I am doing.

I did that with this project. I saw numerous variations online. It seemed like everyone and their brother was making one. I fell in love. The colors, the patterns, the creativity. I could do that. I could make something that was neat that other liked and were inspired by. I told myself not to start another project. I had too many already and I was going to be moving and downsizing so I definitely shouldn't start a new project and not a long term one that will take years to finish and will take up a lot of space in the meantime.

But I did it anyway.

I knew that I would have to make lots of them.

I knew I'd have to sew them all together.

I knew that it would take me a very long time to finish.

But I did it anyway.

They say that when you fall in love, you lose all sense of reality and stop thinking clearly. I was head over heals for this project. Love one could definitely call it. I didn't listen to the logical part of me that was telling me all of the things I didn't want to hear. They were just so cute and there were so many options and I couldn't resist.

I made a bunch. A handful. About 10% of what I needed to make a queen sized blanket.

And then I stopped.

I got distracted from new projects, old projects, projects that were more interesting to me. Usually I start a project, work on it for a bit, put it down and then come back to it one day when I'm bored or want to tackle my WIP pile. I kept seeing the project bag for my little hexes. I kept moving the one on my desk around and piling things on top of it. I would see the needles for the project in my pen mug and forget about them as I push them aside to look for my fingernail file or a marker.

Tonight I was feeling that ennui that I get. I didn't want to start a new project (even though I started a new one last night but we'll get to that later). I looked through my pile of WIPs to see what I could work on.

And there they were.

At the bottom of the pile.

My hexes.

I didn't even want to work on them but I needed something to do. I picked out some yarn and picked up the needles and I casted on.

And I didn't care.

I made one. I picked out yarn for three but after binding off the first one of the night I realized that I didn't love this project anymore. I didn't care about it.

I had fallen out of love.

And now it is sitting. The project is sitting to the side. Waiting for me to decide what to do.

Do I frog it all?

Do I wait to see if I fall back in love?

Do I try to make something out of the 67 I have made?

I am at a loss.

Maybe waiting is the thing to do.

Waiting is the hardest part though.

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