Bra-less (Day 103 KEDfaY)

Today was definitely less productive than yesterday. I was probably just as productive, it just doesn't seem like I was productive. I finished my mom's Christmas present and it's currently blocking and drying right now. I figured out what I'm making my brother for Christmas and started planning that. I worked out for the first time in a very long time. I showered. I edited a rough draft a bit. Putting it in a list makes it seem like I accomplished more, but I don't feel like I really did anything. 

Maybe it's because I didn't put a bra on today. Who knows?

To Do List (Day 96 KEDfaY)

Sent out my resume today and had it sent to more important people. I am hoping that something comes from this. I really am. I'm getting sick of not being able to buy things for myself or simply having to go without. 

But enough whining (it wasn't a lot of whining but if I didn't stop there I knew I would keep going and I don't want to whine right now). I started a new project because the sweater I'm knitting and the supa sekrit project aren't time consuming enough right now (they surprisingly aren't. I'm ahead of schedule on both of them right now which makes me happy). It is going to be a Christmas gift for someone though so it's still being productive. I have a few more to make but they're mostly hats and those are simple and quick. This should be too, though. It's a cowl thingy. I think the person it's going to will like it. I hope so at least. We'll see! 

In the time being though I have a sweater, the supa sekrit project, numerous hats (4 more I think? Maybe 5?), a few more washcloths, something for my brother (I have no idea what yet), and something for my stepmom and possibly a pair of socks. Who knows what I'm going to get for my step mom though. I'm glad that I started early on Christmas gifts though. I feel less panicky about it than normal since I already have three done. Maybe I'll start another one tomorrow for knit group. Hmm...

I feel better about Christmas this year though than last year. Last year I didn't have a gift for anyone really because I was so broke and so busy that I couldn't make anything. This year though all I have is time and since my stash recently got enhanced a bit, I am not afraid of possibly running out of yarn and not being able to make anything for anyone. I do have to figure out what to do for the Boyfriend though. And for his birthday which is a month away. He might get a hug and a kiss and a winning smile from me. 

I can feel it, coming in the air tonight (Day 91 KEDfaY)

Blah blah blah, I've moved.

Part of moving that only one person really mentioned to me is finding a new doctor. I found my new doctor, who I enjoy, but I haven't really liked the birth control I've been on for the last year so he recommended I go to a Ob/Gyn to talk about my options. This idea alone scares me because that's the doctor you go to when you want babies and I don't know if I've mentioned it or not, but I don't want babies for a VERY long time, if ever. But I scheduled an appointment anyway and trekked down there. The entire process of scheduling this appointment, the nurses and I have said that it was just going to be a consultation about switching my birth control. That's it. That's all I expected and I was quite happy with just that.

I met my Ob/GYN and we chatted for a long time about options and what the one I'm on now is doing. He said that the type I'm on can cause depression which almost made me shout, "You've gotta be fucking kidding me." But instead I just shouted, "THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE." Seriously, the last year now makes sense. I was having spells of depression for absolutely no reason and I couldn't figure out why. Turns out it was because I switched birth control pills and the one I switched to made me the kid sitting in the corner that even the emo kids didn't want to talk to. 

We're finishing up our consultation and he's telling me what he's going to prescribe me and then he points to the table and says, "Okay, time to do the pelvic exam." 

Um.

Excuse me. 

I didn't know this was part of the deal. Why? Why. Just. Why? I had a pap and everything two weeks ago, surely I don't need another strange man to poke around my vagina. But no. I don't get to compromise about this. 

I change into the gown, which this time was fabric unlike two weeks ago which was a very noisy paper gown, and I sat and waited to be poked, I noticed that the music from the waiting room was being piped into the little examination rooms as well. I was sitting in my fabric gown jamming out to "Hey Ya" and singing along, minding my own business and generally not paying attention to the music.

The doctor came in along with the nurse and the not-quite-resident that he was training, which I don't know if you know but four people in a small examination room makes it quite claustrophobic but I dealt with it. The doctor listened to my heart and did a breast exam (when did breast exams turn into grown men pretending to knead your boobs like cats? Seriously, the two I've had in the past two weeks have both been like the doctor was trying to do his best Maru impression on my boobs, something that I did visualize and then had to quickly forget about as they played with my boobs like giant kittens). As he asked me to lay back before listening to my heart, Phil Collins' "In the air tonight" started playing. Remember how I said the music was piped into the exam rooms as well? If I had to pick a more awkward song, I don't know if I could. So there I am, being felt up by a man trying to be a cat on my boobs, while the definition of '80s drum beats is playing in the background and just when I think it can't get worse, the pelvic exam starts.

Next time you think that your pelvic exam can't get any more awkward, because let's face it, they're generally awkward by nature, I mean, you have a robot duck being shoved in places it shouldn't be shoved usually while a nurse is asking you questions about your life (Where'dyougotoschoolWhat'dyoumajorinWhatbringsyoutoJacksonvilleHowareyoulikingitDoyoumissIndiana etc) and an old man is fondling parts of you that you didn't know could be manipulated that way, just think that you could have Phil Collins singing at you too.

I knit today too but it's decidedly less exciting/awkward than Phil Collins Pelvic Exam.

Of Cowls and Hours Spent

I've been commissioned by a coworker to make some cowls for his wife. He calls them loopy things. I like this name better because "cowl" has that awful sound that you can't really enunciate and it just sounds like you have marbles in your mouth no matter how hard you try. It's like the word Iowa. A high school teacher of mine spent a more than a few minutes in class one day describing how Iowa isn't really said, it just falls out of your mouth. "Cowl" I feel is similar although as it's falling out of your mouth, it grabs on to your lip and hangs there making you look like a slack-jawed yokel who wouldn't know a cowl if it strangled them in their sleep.

My coworker today asked how my progress was coming on the loopy things and I told him that I had started the second of three and that I had tried to fix a mistake and ended up needing to restart the whole thing. He asked me how much time I had put into it at that point and I told him about four hours and then he looked at me as if I had started floating above the ground. Four hours and I was just willing to start all over? Just like that? And put at least another four hours into this project?

Well, yeah.

One thing I've learned from knitting is that to make things correctly and perfectly takes time and sometimes you need to start all over. Yeah it takes a while to fully grasp this idea and even if I do need to start over, it doesn't mean that I jump up and start ripping out my knitting. I kick my feet and stomp and refuse to until I absolutely have to. I have abandoned many a projects because of needing to start over and not wanting to put all that time back into it. It's not easy to take something you've spent five, ten, thirty hours on just to rip it all out and have nothing to show for it except a pile of yarn. But sometimes you just have to. I'd rather have a pretty project than a pile of poo. If that means spending an extra four hours on it, so be it. I'll be happier with the finished product.

Knitting takes patience. You can't knit a sweater in an hour.