Help me, Obi Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.

I know this is kinda breaking my vacation from blogging but I’m doing it for good reason.

You see, I need your help.

After 5 years together, my now ex-boyfriend has decided that he no longer wants to be with me. Yes, it sucks. Yes, I’m obviously upset by this. No, I don’t want a pity party. This was done out of the complete blue so I have nothing saved. All of my money has been going towards my student loans. I have $46 in my checking account right now.

I’m stuck in the crapiest city in the crapiest state (in my opinion, of course). Right now I’m trying to find a place to live in my hometown, 900 miles cross-country from where I currently am, and a job in the surrounding area.  Right now I have no car, no job, no place to live.  All I have is my winning charm, a friendly cat and enough yarn to choke a whole passel of horses as you, my dear readers, know.

What I’m proposing is a fundraiser. I am currently working part time at a Big Box Craft Store. I’ve already talked with my manager and explained the situation to her and she said she would give me as many hours as she can but of course, she is limited at what she can do. I have just about two months to save as much money as I can for the move, the resulting rent/groceries/utilities/expenses that might arise. The moving truck and gas for said truck have already been arranged so any money will go towards things once I get back home. Right now, I have a bed and a desk and that’s it for furniture. You could say I’m in a really shitty situation.

Here’s my pitch.

I have a fundraiser set up at GoFundMe.com. For every $5 donated to that fund, I will crochet or knit one square to go towards a blanket for a local animal shelter. The squares are going to be 6”x6” and the blankets will be 24”x24”. I figure that while I don’t have a lot of money, I do have a whole tub of yarn dedicated towards charity knitting. I also work at a craft store so if I somehow have to buy more yarn for this fundraiser, it won’t cost me an arm and a leg and won’t take away much money from my savings.

So please, dear readers, take a look at my fundraiser and consider donating a few bucks. If you can’t afford it, which I totally understand, please consider sharing the link with your friends and family and random internet strangers.

I wouldn’t be asking for help unless I REALLY needed it. Anyone who knows me knows that.

I really just want to go home.

(Handy dandy link for those who would like to share. http://www.gofundme.com/bj9iv4 )

The End (Days 363-365)

Here I am at the end of my year long mission to knit every day. I wish I had something pithy or clever to say about it other than, "Holy shit, I actually finished it."

But I am actually surprised in myself. I've said before how I didn't expect to make it this far. That I would get distracted by something else, like a job or something floating in the breeze. But I didn't fail my mission until I was so overwhelmed by Harry Potter that knitting wasn't the first thing on my mind.

And then I still continued. I still powered though, determined to finish a year of knitting, even if it wasn't every day in a row. And sure, getting a job and working has cut into my dicking around time, but I am still knitting. And I'm officially on the class list for teaching beginner knitting at the Big Box Craft Store that I work at which I am incredibly excited about.

Looking back, I've actually accomplished a lot. I've gotten a lot knit and finished including a mountain of Christmas presents, numerous washcloths and even got a few lingering works in progress out of my stash. We won't talk about the many, many others that are just chilling out in my closet right now. And of course, the biggest accomplishment is still finishing this thing. 

Right now, my plan for the future is to start a new year long project but not until August 1st. It'll be a little bit different format since I do have a job and will be quite busy but hopefully, dear reader, you'll still stick around. I'll be taking a little time off from the whole blog thing but only until August. So never fear, my illuminating quips about knitting and crafting and everyday life will be returning but, I don't know about you, I need a break.

Have a good summer and thank you for coming with me on my mission.

Coming to an end (Days 357-362)

One more project off the needles just before the Tour de Fleece starts and my time will be taken up between spinning and knitting on my other lace shawl.

The shawl which I have been working like crazy to get progress done on. I'm seeing the progress from the yarn slowly disappearing from my yarn ball.

And of course, my year of knitting (almost) every day is coming to an end. I still haven't decided what I've learned or what experience I've gained other than I've learned that I can commit to something and actually finish it when I want to.

Maybe I can put that on a resume...

Exhausted (Days 352-356)

I haven't knit a whole lot lately. Don't get me wrong. I've still been knitting but once I got my shawl to 50%, I slowed down. Even though I have at least one more deadline to make in the next couple of days. Even though my plate is full of stuff right now. I've taken my extra time to play word games online and take nice baths.

It's difficult to explain to someone who has never worked in retail just how draining it is but everyone who has been in my very worn, "All Day Comfort" shoes, knows that it is exhausting. I know my shifts are short and my paycheck reflects that I am just part time, but at the end of my day, I want nothing more than to veg out in front of the TV while casually playing games on my phone. (I am really enjoying Tiny Death Star right now because it is easy to play and entertains me.) So knitting isn't my priority. Especially not after days when I have to pack/unpack/move stuff all day. My hands are currently screaming because yesterday involved shoving my hand into very tiny holes and trying to get little bottles of paint organized. My fingers are swollen and stiff and don't really want to knit socks right now. Maybe a crochet a blanket square but definitely not knit on sz 1s.

So don't fret. I'm still knitting. I'm just taking it easy.

Chaos (Days 343-351)

I'm still knitting.

And I'm kinda crocheting too.

And reorganizing everything, like a spring cleaning but in June.

I'm trying to find a daily rhythm that's adaptable to my life and the chaos that seems to be ever present.

Just trying to get shit done without going crazy or losing motivation or will.

I know my year of knitting is coming up and I'm excited. I've enjoyed documenting my progress and seeing what I've actually gotten done in the past year while I tried to stay sane.

I'm trying to figure out what my next theme will be. Do I continue with the knitting theme? Or do I do a "craft" every day. I've taken up crocheting more and spinning has been added to my list of skills so I don't see why not. I've also been journaling like crazy and planning a bigger, long term craft project that involves a quilt and a map. It's gonna be great.

But until then, I guess I'll just keep knitting.

Father's Day (Days 333-342)

I don't normally share my personal journal entries online. I'll share bits and pieces of them, and usually on my other blog, but today's was the best bit of writing I feel like I've done for a long time and I wanted to share. The pictures are by no means related, just wanted to share the progress I've made so far on various projects.  

Everyone thinks their issues are unique, that they're the only ones who have ever experienced these things. These people are mostly writers, trying to make sense of their experiences and to show people that they really are as fucked up as they've said they are. 

Today is Father's day. On Mother's day, I called my mom and talked to her for at least 45 minutes even though we were on our way to Orlando. Even though I had sent her a card filled with deep sentiments and my attempts at handwriting. 

I sent my dad a card. I don't know if it got there in time or not. I don't know if I will call him.

There are so many weird emotions there and every time I try to make sense of them, I just frustrate myself and revert to being an angry 14 year old. I don't like that person who was too cynical and pessimistic for her own good, who grew up hard and hardened. Who didn't trust the people she should've. 

Beth wrote a letter to her dad, my grandfather, who has been dead for 31 years by her count. She told him how much alike they were and was generally angry about how he isn't here and never really was. 

I started this entry confused and frustrated, a trail mix of emotions, when my dad messaged me, thanking me for his card that did arrive in time. He mentioned his colonoscopy he's having on Tuesday for a general checkup since he's over 50 now. 

"well after tuesday, I won't be as full of shit as I usually am"

It's these comments and moments that remind me that no matter what, he's still my dad. I may not be as tall as the rest of that side of the family but the same sense of humor is what connects us all. 

"You’d love your granddaughter. She is a photographer like you. She is smart, has a wicked sense of humor, and like most of the rest of us, the same depression that everyone on our side of the family has (but don’t ever think that we could have gotten some from Mom’s side, because she will deny it)."

I'd never really thought about the fact that I hadn't met my grandfather until today. I never knew him or met him and never felt sad or upset about it. It was just a fact, like the sky being blue or the ground hard. My grandfather was dead and I'd never meet him. 

And then I read what Beth wrote and suddenly I missed a man I never knew. I missed the opportunity I never had to meet a man that I'd never know. I think the biggest reason why I was so upset by Beth's letter is because she said he would've liked me and which, in turn, I'd probably like him. A quiet, sullen man who liked photography and wicked jokes. 

Yeah, I think we could've enjoyed a beer or two together.

Ahem... (Days 320-332)

Well, we'll just ignore that right? That long gap of silence? Yeah, that wasn't on purpose. I've just been busy.

Aside from work, there's been a lot at home that I've wanted to accomplish and very little of my precious free time in which to do it.

It doesn't help that all of my projects I'm working on right now are big. Shawls and such. Mostly shawls. And various squares for blankets for different things.

And I still haven't gotten into the swing of things. I don't have a routine and it's difficult to get into a daily rhythm when your schedule is constantly changing and you never work the same hours or same shifts. I don't have a schedule I adhere to at home aside from the mandatory shower once I get home from work because, seriously, I stink when I get home. 

But I have been productive. I've been knitting and crocheting and spinning. I've been trying to get ahead or at least on schedule with any of my projects because as soon as I think that I'm on track, I suddenly realize that there's only three more days in the month and I was very wrong. 

The good news is that I'll hopefully be able to start teaching soon. I've given the store manager everything she's asked for and then of course she went on vacation so hopefully sometime next week she'll let me know if I need to do anything else aside from make fliers. But yay! Teaching soon! And more money! Which, since I've decided that I need new work shoes (because I do) and of course the ones I want are the cost of an entire paycheck of mine (no joke) then I really need that extra money.

I'm also trying to figure out how to make money from spinning. I really enjoy doing it and while I might not have the highest quality of yarn yet, I'd like the option. But I don't know how I should go about doing that.

But these are worries for another day. Today I am hoping to get caught up on some knitting and maybe organize the mess that I call my desk. Maybe.

I'm alive. I promise. (Days 315-319)

Holy crap, you guys.

I really don't recommend working 7 days in a row in retail. Especially when you have to walk to and from said job, in Florida, in the summer.

Along with my aching feet that I don't think will ever feel normal again, I have an awesome heat rash creeping on my leg. At least I hope it's a heat rash. I go to the doctor on Tuesday for a checkup on my anxiety meds so I'll ask him then.

But I have been knitting. Sure, some nights it was only two or three stitches, but dammit, I have been knitting.

Knitting is just a stitch at a time so those two or three stitches, no matter how minor and few, were actually progress.

Knitting really only has been my shawls I have going. I know I have other stuff I should attempt to work on but finding free time is difficult. 

And now if you'll excuse me, I have more dishes to clean than I'd like to admit. And then later, a trip to the vet! I was told that today is my day off but by my to-do list, you wouldn't believe me. 

Busy busy busy (Days 312-314)

Here is my knitting! I swear I actually knit on Friday, Saturday and today. I've just been stupid busy. The Boyfriend's mom and stepdad left yesterday and then I had possibly the worst day at work ever and I don't want to talk about it but at the end of the day, at least three different people had seen me cry. I still have my job, so that isn't the problem, just a crappy crap crap day.

I've restarted my Citron shawl. I am knitting it on the size needles that I originally planned and then changed my mind because I can't make a decision to save my life. So far it's going well but I'm only about 14 rows in. My other, big shawl is going well too. I'm back on track I think, time wise so I can work on the Citron and my spinning which has been sitting since I finished that bobbin.

Life has been busy with Universal and Harry Potter and then the Boyfriend's family still visiting and work. So much work. I have another 4 days before a day off again, which I am SO looking forward to, mainly just so I can sleep in or not have to wear a nametag. Or work pants.

Change of plans (Day 311)

So here's my plan.

I missed a couple of days because I suck. There's honestly no real reason except that I forgot. Poor planning and being overwhelmed by Harry Potter and excitement and being sick all combined left me a bit fried. There's no other reason besides that.

So my plan.

I'm just going to continue. It obviously won't be "every day for a year" now but I will keep going for 365 days total. It sucks. I know. I'm kinda kicking myself for it because it was going to be such an awesome accomplishment that I could point to and say, "Hey! Even when I didn't have a job or anything, I was still accomplishing things!"

Here I am at day 311/365. Maybe I'll actually get there and finish this now. It'll just be a few days later.

Here's my knitting for today. I'm working on my shawl still. I'm a *little* bit behind schedule but not so much that it's a bad thing. I just need to get ahead before other things happen like more family visits or more work. When I was hired they told me I'd get at most 15 hours a week and now I'm averaging 23 which is great but cuts into my knitting time even more. I'll also be able to start teaching knitting soon. I just have to get the classes planned out and fliers made and class supplies lists made. Fun stuff! It's all stuff that I have thought about but I just haven't written down yet.

Right, back to chores on my day off because I'm an adult now. Sad.

Failed

My dear readers.

I have failed. I did not knit yesterday. I thought about it and there were times I wish I had my knitting with me but I didn't. I didn't even knit one stitch. My project stayed promptly in the bag and didn't come out at all.

I failed. And I was so close to finishing my goal. I know I was still 55 days out but in the grand scheme of things, that's pretty close.

I haven't decided what the plan is from here. Along with being at Universal, I decided that I was going to continue the long tradition of getting sick while going on vacation. I think (and hope) it's just a cold but we'll see. Being sick combined with walking around all day and of course the no sleep I get when I am sick, I'm a bit slap happy and can't really think straight.

As a sign of apology, here's a picture of the Hogwarts Express.

Travelin' (Day 310 KEDfaY)

Clean (Day 309 KEDfaY)

Worked on cleaning the apartment for the Boyfriend's mom and step dad so the only knitting was on my shawl. I'm gonna be taking my OpArt blanket on our trip to Orlando tomorrow. Yes, we are going to be going to Harry Potter world and yes I am ecstatic. 

Example (Day 308 KEDfaY)

Washcloth (Day 307 KEDfaY)

Today was a day off and it was nice.

I knit. I spun. I did chores and laundry. I got to hang out with a friend and teach her how to make a washcloth.

I love that moment when someone gets so excited because they are making things with their own hands and they're happy about it. It's so gratifying seeing that "AHA!" moment. I love it.

I worked on a washcloth while she was working on hers and I also worked on my shawl this morning while occasionally doing chores.

And then I spun too. I finished the first half of my braid of fiber and I'm very happy with it. I'm consistent and that is what makes me super happy. It looks almost the same size for most of the single. Now to just repeat it for the second half. I'll probably start that after we get back from our mini vacation. We're going to Universal Studios. Excuse me while I go squee forever.

New (Day 306 KEDfaY)

So I got my new needles a day early. As I was scrambling to get my lunch made and my work clothes not wrinkled and trying to figure out how to get to work without being a literal hot mess when the UPS man knocked on the door. And there, laying next to my door because my UPS guy just ran off, was my envelope with my new needles. My ChiaoGoo Reds. I had 12 minutes before I needed to leave when I opened them and almost started crying because they're new needles and I wanted to use them.

So of course I took them to work to try them out during my lunch.

They're...different. I love how pointy they are and just the texture of the needles themselves but the cord is different. It's a stainless steel cable covered with some sort of nylon according to the package. I don't know if it's the nylon and the silk that aren't getting along but I have to stop and physically move the stitches along the cord, which isn't a bad thing I've decided, but it definitely interrupts the flow of my knitting. It might be the cord, it might be the combination with the yarn, it might be that they're BRAND NEW. We'll see. I've done a tricky lace row that has lots of slip stitches and passing the slipped stitch back over and the points are WONDERFUL. I love how sharp they are. For the points alone, they were worth it. Now if only the store I worked at would sell them so I could get them for cheaper.

Red (Day 305 KEDfaY)

I've gotten a lot done on my shawl. I have the lace pattern figured out, it's looking like I want it to look. I'm not having too many issues keeping count and everything but I was having problems. When I really got into knitting, my grandmother got me the Boye interchangeable circular knitting needle set for Christmas. It's one of my favorite presents ever and I absolutely love it. I've used those needles to hell and back and abused them in any way possible along the way. But they aren't known for being the best quality. The joins are clunky. The cables are stiff and bumpy and when you're working on small needles, like the smallest size, US sz 2s, it's a bit difficult to push your stitches from the cable over the bump, over the join and onto the needle. I had looked at needles and thought about getting a new pair just for this project but then told myself I didn't need them.

And then I got a payment for doing a study about finances or something. I don't know, I just know I got $12. $12 is more than enough for a pair of Chiaogoo Red Lace needles.

Mine should get here Thursday.

I am very excited about this and I know that my gauge may change but because it's lace, and not a complex lace pattern, I think it'll be fine. I am excited to try these new needles out. I've heard good things and of course I will report back with my opinions on them.

So my knitting today was a bit on my OpArt blanket. It might become my "Oh shit. I need to knit something today," project. It's easy and easy to drop and pick up randomly.

Work today was a bit better than it has been. I was given the task of rearranging shelves and while I hate fake flowers, it was still a wonderful half of my shift. I love organizing and would be completely happy just doing that for the rest of my time at Big Box Craft Store. Now to only convince the managers of this.

Zoom! (Day 304 KEDfaY)

Boop boop boop! Look at me knitting that lace! And so far *knock on wood* there are no mistakes! Yay! I've also been spinning some. Spinning is one of those things that I have to force myself to take breaks and not spin the whole 4 oz braid of fiber at one time because it's just so fun! I have almost half of the braid spun so far and my own personal goal is to have it done by the end of the month so I have a bit of time. But I do have a mini vacation and people visiting a lot this month so getting more done now instead of having to rush it later is probably a good thing...right? That's my excuse at least!

Not Picture (Day 303 KEDfaY)

So, I was going to take a lovely picture of my shawl and all of the progress I've done on it but for some reason the phone didn't want to cooperate and I'm WAY too lazy to get the camera out and take an actual picture so you're just getting me talking about not having a picture today.

I did get a lot of progress on my shawl and I think I have the main lace motif figured out which WHOO! I don't do lace so me figuring something out it crazy awesome.

Right now though, I'm gonna eat some yogurt, watch some TV then head to bed.

P.S. Please remember that cashiers are people too. We don't allow you to use coupons because we don't like you. We do it because we're following company policy and I really like the money I'm getting from my job so not getting fired is like, my only goal right now.

Rocky (Days 301 and 302 KEDfaY)

I promise I knit yesterday. I had a shift at work then came home and bathed then met with my knit group so there was actual knitting.

I was going to write a blog post when I got home but as a "congratulations on your job!" present, The Boyfriend got me a new keyboard! I was so distracted that I forgot so I then just went to bed because I was tired.

I don't think I've told this story. So one morning, I got up to get on the computer. I got up when the Boyfriend did because I had a busy to-do list that day so it was early and I was tired. I walked to my desk and realized that it was wet. There was something on it. I then saw my coffee cup from the day before that had about half an inch of coffee left in it, was knocked over. I then spied my cat who seemed to be grooming himself more than usual. I moved my keyboard, my nice, pretty, expensive Mac keyboard that The Boyfriend had gotten me for our anniversary, and it was drenched in day old coffee. I took it to the kitchen, covered it in what rice we had and then left it. My keyboard never worked again.

Luckily, because my Boyfriend is a computer nerd, we have lots of extra keyboards. Unfortunately, the only keyboard that would work with my computer was huge and bulky and didn't like to work half of the time. I was not happy with it but I used it begrudgingly because I knew that a replacement keyboard was out of my non-existent price range. So I dealt with it. And it sucked. But it was useable so I couldn't complain.

But now I have a nice shiney new keyboard and it's pretty and I love it and it distracted me from writing an actual blog post last night.

In knitting news, I got the okay to start my OWL shawl, so that's what I worked on yesterday. I was doing well and then of course I dropped not one, but TWO stitches, in lace. Luckily there is a very wonderful woman in my knitting group who fixed it for me so I didn't have to rip out everything I had done to that point. And now that I'm home and not distracted by various chit chat and awesome conversation, it seems to be going better. I do have a long way to go though, so that could all change at some point.